Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Grad student stealing has nothing on this

I feel like there are always stories of graduate students stealing stuff from other labs and the like, but this story of a Marine in Iraq really takes the cake (post by Sebastian Bae): 
However, before I could confess to anything, my lieutenant (LT) leaned in and said, “Bae, we need you to fix the coffee machine.” Patting me on the back, he reassured me that I had all the skills and tools necessary for the job, gesturing towards the table where the defunct Mr. Coffee sat accompanied by a switchblade knife, a roll of duct tape, 6 feet of 550 cord, used coffee filters, and other miscellaneous objects best characterized as “junk the LT kept in his desk.” Before leaving, the LT added, “Oh, we also need coffee filters, Bae.” My platoon sergeant, a bear in human form, simply nodded and grumbled, “Get it done.” 
Every Marine has experienced being saddled with an impossible task by a superior. But this task was legitimately the most bizarre of my Marine career. Using random objects gathered up in the COC, I was expected to fix a coffee maker that was most likely issued back in the first Gulf War. And there was no doubt in my mind that both the LT and the platoon sergeant fully expected a hot, steaming cup of coffee in eight hours when their shift started. 
So, like any good Marine, I improvised. Using the switchblade knife, I bribed my way onto a supply convoy to Camp Ramadi. From there, I traded a can of Copenhagen Straight chewing tobacco, a rare commodity in Iraq, with a civilian contractor for a ride over to the Army side of the base. For roughly two hours, I wandered around aimlessly, peering through windows looking for a coffee machine. After a great deal of effort, I finally spotted a pristine Mr. Coffee in the backroom of the Army supply shop. Sneaking through the window, I quickly exchanged our decrepit coffee machine with the Army’s, while shoving as many coffee filters in my cargo pockets as they could handle. And like a bandit, I ran for my life. Now, imagine a young Marine, cargo pockets bursting at the seams, coffee machine cradled in his arms, frantically running off into the distance. 
By the time LT was back on duty, my squad was preparing for our daily patrol into the city. The “fixed” Mr. Coffee was humming away in the COC. All was right in the world, proving true the old Marine Corps adage: Gear adrift is a gift.
I think the thing that is missing from graduate school is the trading of stuff in order to get closer to your target for theft...

3 comments:

  1. I won't deny that I hoisted many boxes of gloves, alconox, solvents, dry ice, and liquid N2 for use on a car project and simple home cleaning. Vehicle sound deadening lifts pretty well with dry ice, but stubborn areas required liquid N2. Nowadays, I'll just spend ~ $10-15 on gloves when needing to clean or cut hot peppers...

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  2. The lack of trading part is due, in part, to the fact that labs are generally open and unlocked. Sebastian needed to trade things in order to get to places he needed to be in order to re-appropriate the functioning Mr. Coffee. What we need to teach is the bartering skill - trading one thing you don't really need but is perceived in value to someone who is useful in getting you to your goal. Bartering is also very applicable to consulting and I have used the phrase "I'd rather you owe me than pay me" on more than one occasion.

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  3. The most grad-school part of the experience is ending with a lack of appreciation and support from supervisors for innovating, and pulling it off with no budget, planning or resources. The zero-sum aspect is also familiar.

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looks like Blogger doesn't work with anonymous comments from Chrome browsers at the moment - works in Microsoft Edge, or from Chrome with a Blogger account - sorry! CJ 3/21/20